The Mask

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. ~Oscar Wilde

Masks are everywhere around us. We wear masks all the time, and we probably only take them off when in the presence of no one other than ourselves. We conceal the truth behind a mask, afraid of showing our true colors. Masks give us the freedom of being hidden, of thinking anything we like but still appear to be fit within the standard of what is socially accepted. We think that our true self won't be accepted. So, we hide behind a mask to seek social acceptance, to fit in. We convince ourselves that it is better that way, easier. We wear a mask to say what people want to hear, to be what people want us to be, regardless of our true faith and beliefs. Wearing them spare us the trouble of being who we really are and accepting what comes with it. Masks are just easier. 

We further convince ourselves with the beauty of wearing a mask. We believe that somehow it is easier to express any idea when we are hidden and concealed. we can be anything and say anything because we know that it is not who we really are. It is just a mask.

It is ironic that we think we are more free when concealing who we are, when it should be the other way around. However, life teaches us that you can only say the truth when you’re hidden behind any sort of masks, that way you cannot be harmed. As long as what everyone sees is accepted you’re good to go. And you’re always free to think and be whoever you want when you’re alone. We fail to realize that eventually the mask possesses us.

You find yourself doing things that you don’t believe in because your mask obliges you to be a certain person. You go out of your own way to put up with an image that it is not even you. You are always wearing a mask no matter where you are or who you’re with. You hide yourself afraid of what other people would say if they see the real you. Eventually, your lies become the truth and the real truth fades away. 

I do believe in what Oscar Wilde said. Man will never say the truth when he is exposed. Out of fear of rejection, man convinces himself with the easy way out; Just put a mask and be ready to face life. Only those who are brave show their true colors, without fearing others judgement or the consequences of being true to themselves before others. Only those who are brave, walk around life wearing no masks at all. 

The list

1. I have a fascination with the idea of the “soul.”
2. A melody can bring tears to my eyes.
3. Words can shake my core.
4. I’m sentimental about almost everything.
5. I get too attached to people, things, places and words.
6. I get so engrossed in things, I sometimes forget reality.
7. I have a fascination with “stories” and “people.”
8. I, also, have a fascination with people’s thoughts.
9. I think a lot about different things without any logical sequence to my thoughts.
10. I never forget if I got hurt.
11. I can help other people to the point where I forget my own needs.
12. I’m deeply in love with the smell and taste of coffee.
13. I wash my hands a lot.
14. I love perfume and I like to be surrounded with nice smells. I spray perfume on EVERYTHING.
15. I LOVE books, and I love it when the paper is slightly yellowish.
16. I, also, love the smell of books, but once I sprayed perfume on a book!
17. I don’t have one single favorite color. It changes constantly.
18. I often daydream and imagine scenarios of events in my mind.
19. It is very hard for me to end a certain phase and start a new one.
20. I might not notice a person’s appearance but I always notice voices.
21. Certain tones of voices appeal to me.
22. In a lot of matters, I am one thing and it’s opposite.
23. I want to love with my soul, not my mind and heart alone.
24. I love shoes so much!
25. I don’t like too many details. I love things simple.
26. Sometimes, I wish I could be completely and utterly ALONE.
27. Yet, I fear loneliness.
28. I believe no one really knows me completely.
29. I consider my emotions to be a prominent part of who I am.
30. Yet, sometimes I wish I could just turn them off.
31. I've changed a lot; when I look back I have no idea who that person was.
32. I believe that I have a wound in my heart that will never heal.
33. If I’m sentimentally attached to an object, I don’t throw it away even if it’s broken.
34. I have a fascination with the idea of being remembered.
35. I have a deep, urging desire to touch someone’s heart, to have an effect on someone’s life.
36. I’m addicted to feelings.
37. I like to think I’m special, but I don’t really know if I really am.
38. I like to believe in fate, romantic fairy tales and that one moment that changes your life.
39. I love old things and songs.
40. My mood shows on my face.
41. I remember odd things at even more odd times.
42.  As much as I love new experiences, I’m usually terrified when taking a new step.
43. I see meaning in the simplest of things.
44. I like to think that meanings and ideas exists in everything.
45. I miss things and moments terribly.
46. I remember moments with the same emotional intensity as if I was reliving them.
47. I’m obsessed with the idea of “a beautiful soul.”
48. Sometimes, I really feel that my soul is gloomy.
49. I like calm and simple more than loud and crowded.
50. Sometimes I feel selfish for seeking my own comfort.

What do you see?

What do you see when you're looking at me?
Do you see a smile?
Do you see a tear?
Is my heart brave or blocked with fear?
Do you see a little girl with the carefree glance,
Or a young woman who's afraid to dance?


They say the eyes mirror the soul.
Be careful of what you see.
Sometimes the reflection is not me.
Sometimes they reveal the truth sometimes it's all lies.
Do you see your own reflection in me,
or is it the truth that you really see?


What do you really see when you're looking at me?

Something old.. something new

"Usually when I feel sad or depressed, I either prefer to sit alone doing something I love or hang around the people I love. Since the later is not an option right now, I decided to go out alone. So here I am sitting alone in a café with the company of a book and a mocha.

This is the first time ever I go out alone. I’ve always seen people sitting alone in cafés and always wondered why they are alone. The idea of going out has been always associated with people. I always spend my alone time at home because going out means not being alone. But here I am alone in a café away from home writing this down. The strange thing is that I feel peaceful and more at place here than I felt an hour ago when I was surrounded with people.

I’ve never felt more out of place and I’ve never missed my home and my friends as much as I do right now. Being with people you’re not comfortable with is not easy. So today I was too annoyed to stay inside and I decided to go out even if I’m ALONE. I feel very comfortable and peaceful to my own amazement and I’m actually enjoying myself. "

I wrote this almost a year ago and I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I remember how awful I felt and how I decided to defy myself and everyone and just go out alone. I needed to clear my head so bad. I wanted to step out of that crazy world and step into a calm parallel universe. I felt awkward sitting alone at that café I have to admit. It was something totally new to me because going out for fun was never something that I did alone. To go further with the experiment I ordered something new too, instead of my usual latte I ordered a mocha and I liked that too.

I've always liked experimenting and trying new things but I have to say that sometimes taking a new step takes a little more courage than usual. It’s never easy to force yourself out of your own comfortable zone and step into the unknown. It’s not easy but it’s rewarding because you get to explore new ideas and find new things about yourself. Instead of staying wrapped up in your comfortable zone feeling isolated, go out there and do something out of character and maybe you’ll find something new to like. That day, when I was sad, alone and away from the comfort of the familiar I enjoyed being out alone and that was very NEW :)

Take a trip out of your comfort zone every now and then, you’ll enjoy it :)

An ending... A beginning :)

1\8\2011

Earlier today I was watching the finale of the Oprah show. It made me feel very sad and I even cried a little bit. The feeling of an end, a closure was in the air. Something about Oprah’s facial expressions as she talked about her 25 year journey touched my heart. I always feel a little sad when something I got attached to ends. It was the deep emotion of closing an important chapter in your life that touched my heart, not the ending of the show. Little did I know that in the same day I’d experience the same feeling. A few hours later I received a phone call from a friend telling me that our final test results were out and that we all passed and officially graduated college. I was ecstatic of course, even though I’ve known for several days and I knew that my college life has come to an end, now it’s official. I am no longer a student. The final chapter of my life as an adolescent is done and now I’m an adult.

As the feeling settled in after a couple of hours I felt happy, excited and a little sad. I don’t like endings and I don’t like beginnings either, it’s the middle that I always love. I can confidently say that I had a full, enjoyable, educating and satisfying college experience. I’m happy that I can say that I enjoyed my college experience even with its depressing, frustrating moments. I thank God for leading me to experience everything in college especially the hang outs and the student activities.

Today it became official and final. Even though I was striving for it to end, it’s a little sad that it really did end. I’m going to miss everything, not the studying part of course because I’d be lying if I said I’d miss that lol. I’m content and satisfied El Hamdu-l-Allah.

Another chapter of my life has ended, now it’s time to write a new one ;)