The perfect actress...

I'm the perfect actress!

I put on my smile,

Add sparkles to my eyes.

I lock away my pain,

And force back any tears.

Everyone thinks I'm happy,

Fooled by my giggly laughs.

I memorize my lines,

And say all the correct words.

I act my part well!

I add a little gesture here,

And a grin there.

I do all the right things.

I make them believe what they see.

Only my mirror truly sees.

After I take off my smile,

My sparkly eyes too.

I unlock my pain,

And let the tears flow.

I look myself in the eyes and say

"Smile, you're the perfect actress!"

Nothingness

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting to see the soft morning light slipping through the tiny opening in the curtain. I, instead, was faced with absolute darkness. I was a little disoriented, for a moment I thought I haven't opened my eyes yet or maybe it was still night time. I opened and closed my eyes a couple of times, as if doubting them. But no, I was really enveloped in total darkness.

I fumbled around reaching for my cell phone to see what time it is.. Where did that thing go? I always put it on the bedside table... instead I reached for the bedside lamp to find some light... Where did that go too? Where did the bedside table go?!! I reached to remove the covers to get out of bed.. only to find that there were no covers.. and no bed either. I reached around me, trying to find something to touch.. anything.. and found... nothing!

Where am I? what is this place? what happened?  

I noticed now that I wasn't walking. It was like floating, my feet didn't touch a firm ground. I moved my hands hysterically, trying to find anything around me.. anything.. only to be confronted with only one thing.. absolute, dark nothingness.. (To be continued...)

The Mask

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. ~Oscar Wilde

Masks are everywhere around us. We wear masks all the time, and we probably only take them off when in the presence of no one other than ourselves. We conceal the truth behind a mask, afraid of showing our true colors. Masks give us the freedom of being hidden, of thinking anything we like but still appear to be fit within the standard of what is socially accepted. We think that our true self won't be accepted. So, we hide behind a mask to seek social acceptance, to fit in. We convince ourselves that it is better that way, easier. We wear a mask to say what people want to hear, to be what people want us to be, regardless of our true faith and beliefs. Wearing them spare us the trouble of being who we really are and accepting what comes with it. Masks are just easier. 

We further convince ourselves with the beauty of wearing a mask. We believe that somehow it is easier to express any idea when we are hidden and concealed. we can be anything and say anything because we know that it is not who we really are. It is just a mask.

It is ironic that we think we are more free when concealing who we are, when it should be the other way around. However, life teaches us that you can only say the truth when you’re hidden behind any sort of masks, that way you cannot be harmed. As long as what everyone sees is accepted you’re good to go. And you’re always free to think and be whoever you want when you’re alone. We fail to realize that eventually the mask possesses us.

You find yourself doing things that you don’t believe in because your mask obliges you to be a certain person. You go out of your own way to put up with an image that it is not even you. You are always wearing a mask no matter where you are or who you’re with. You hide yourself afraid of what other people would say if they see the real you. Eventually, your lies become the truth and the real truth fades away. 

I do believe in what Oscar Wilde said. Man will never say the truth when he is exposed. Out of fear of rejection, man convinces himself with the easy way out; Just put a mask and be ready to face life. Only those who are brave show their true colors, without fearing others judgement or the consequences of being true to themselves before others. Only those who are brave, walk around life wearing no masks at all. 

The list

1. I have a fascination with the idea of the “soul.”
2. A melody can bring tears to my eyes.
3. Words can shake my core.
4. I’m sentimental about almost everything.
5. I get too attached to people, things, places and words.
6. I get so engrossed in things, I sometimes forget reality.
7. I have a fascination with “stories” and “people.”
8. I, also, have a fascination with people’s thoughts.
9. I think a lot about different things without any logical sequence to my thoughts.
10. I never forget if I got hurt.
11. I can help other people to the point where I forget my own needs.
12. I’m deeply in love with the smell and taste of coffee.
13. I wash my hands a lot.
14. I love perfume and I like to be surrounded with nice smells. I spray perfume on EVERYTHING.
15. I LOVE books, and I love it when the paper is slightly yellowish.
16. I, also, love the smell of books, but once I sprayed perfume on a book!
17. I don’t have one single favorite color. It changes constantly.
18. I often daydream and imagine scenarios of events in my mind.
19. It is very hard for me to end a certain phase and start a new one.
20. I might not notice a person’s appearance but I always notice voices.
21. Certain tones of voices appeal to me.
22. In a lot of matters, I am one thing and it’s opposite.
23. I want to love with my soul, not my mind and heart alone.
24. I love shoes so much!
25. I don’t like too many details. I love things simple.
26. Sometimes, I wish I could be completely and utterly ALONE.
27. Yet, I fear loneliness.
28. I believe no one really knows me completely.
29. I consider my emotions to be a prominent part of who I am.
30. Yet, sometimes I wish I could just turn them off.
31. I've changed a lot; when I look back I have no idea who that person was.
32. I believe that I have a wound in my heart that will never heal.
33. If I’m sentimentally attached to an object, I don’t throw it away even if it’s broken.
34. I have a fascination with the idea of being remembered.
35. I have a deep, urging desire to touch someone’s heart, to have an effect on someone’s life.
36. I’m addicted to feelings.
37. I like to think I’m special, but I don’t really know if I really am.
38. I like to believe in fate, romantic fairy tales and that one moment that changes your life.
39. I love old things and songs.
40. My mood shows on my face.
41. I remember odd things at even more odd times.
42.  As much as I love new experiences, I’m usually terrified when taking a new step.
43. I see meaning in the simplest of things.
44. I like to think that meanings and ideas exists in everything.
45. I miss things and moments terribly.
46. I remember moments with the same emotional intensity as if I was reliving them.
47. I’m obsessed with the idea of “a beautiful soul.”
48. Sometimes, I really feel that my soul is gloomy.
49. I like calm and simple more than loud and crowded.
50. Sometimes I feel selfish for seeking my own comfort.

What do you see?

What do you see when you're looking at me?
Do you see a smile?
Do you see a tear?
Is my heart brave or blocked with fear?
Do you see a little girl with the carefree glance,
Or a young woman who's afraid to dance?


They say the eyes mirror the soul.
Be careful of what you see.
Sometimes the reflection is not me.
Sometimes they reveal the truth sometimes it's all lies.
Do you see your own reflection in me,
or is it the truth that you really see?


What do you really see when you're looking at me?