“Alone at last” she sighed to herself .
As she gazed at the wall for what seemed like a very long moment, she slowly let the hopeful, optimistic façade fall. In the place of her bright smile was now a frown as she battled with the thoughts inside her head.
The minute she let her guard down, without any permission her eyes gave in and tears started running down her cheek. She just sat there, staring at the wall, allowing her agony to overwhelm her as she sank further in her pain.
Like she always does when she feel helpless, she picks up her diary and starts writing.
“I don’t think I can take it anymore. I feel so helpless. I don’t know for how long I’ll have to deal with this. For how long I’ll have to run and pray for all of it to just go away. If only I had a choice. If only I had another option. But I don’t…”
She was allowing herself to fall apart. She’s been keeping it all inside for so many days, she can’t keep holding herself together anymore. She just had to let it all out and she started sobbing.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over it. But again how can I when it always comes back haunting me. If only I could tell. If only I could share this agony with someone, without worrying about hurting them with my words or about them not being trustworthy. But I can never talk about it. I have absolutely no one to help me with this burden but myself. The only consolation I have is that maybe someday I’ll trust someone enough to let them inside my heart. I just need someone to talk to when I cannot talk to everybody else. Someone I’d trust with my life, my soul and my deeply wounded heart. Well I can only pray for him to come soon. I’m not sure for how long I’ll be able to hold on.”
She started to calm her self down. She started talking herself out of going any further with this breakdown. She turned to the only savior that can truly save her.
“God, I have no one but you to help me. I know you chose this life for me for a reason. Please, help me stay strong.”
She felt a little bit better. She took a long deep breath and managed to stop sobbing. she closed her diary and wiped her tears. She shoved all those thoughts away, put on her lovely smile and headed out of her room.
Her moment of despair was over…
Nada, what infatuates me more than possessing an advanced linguistic tool is the valueness and influence of the thoughts itself. I completely understand what you attempted to convey; the ongoing battle that takes place between our repressed emotions and needs and our faithful attempts to conform to what we believe in .
ReplyDeleteWhat made it easily understandable for me is the fact that i personally experience such moments myself; moments in which i recall memories and aspire to possessing what i disowned for the sake of Allah. An endless battle that consumes my mind often. However, in resisting lies absolute and pure happiness. Depicting such a scenerey is reflective of a truly beautiful and ethical understanding of life. I loved reading this thought due to how powerfully touching it is.
Nothing in this world delights me more than reading cheerful and correct thoughts. I loved it Nada. Needless to say, you're talented indeed:).