An ending... A beginning :)

1\8\2011

Earlier today I was watching the finale of the Oprah show. It made me feel very sad and I even cried a little bit. The feeling of an end, a closure was in the air. Something about Oprah’s facial expressions as she talked about her 25 year journey touched my heart. I always feel a little sad when something I got attached to ends. It was the deep emotion of closing an important chapter in your life that touched my heart, not the ending of the show. Little did I know that in the same day I’d experience the same feeling. A few hours later I received a phone call from a friend telling me that our final test results were out and that we all passed and officially graduated college. I was ecstatic of course, even though I’ve known for several days and I knew that my college life has come to an end, now it’s official. I am no longer a student. The final chapter of my life as an adolescent is done and now I’m an adult.

As the feeling settled in after a couple of hours I felt happy, excited and a little sad. I don’t like endings and I don’t like beginnings either, it’s the middle that I always love. I can confidently say that I had a full, enjoyable, educating and satisfying college experience. I’m happy that I can say that I enjoyed my college experience even with its depressing, frustrating moments. I thank God for leading me to experience everything in college especially the hang outs and the student activities.

Today it became official and final. Even though I was striving for it to end, it’s a little sad that it really did end. I’m going to miss everything, not the studying part of course because I’d be lying if I said I’d miss that lol. I’m content and satisfied El Hamdu-l-Allah.

Another chapter of my life has ended, now it’s time to write a new one ;)

Like a frozen clock !

S

he walked by the river at sunset like every day, and like every day she tied a scarf around her neck and bought her favorite coffee… Like every day she listened to her favorite band and brought a book with her… Today WAS like any other day… SHE was the same like in any other day.

She walked by her favorite spot… stood still and watched the sun go down. Sunsets were her favorite… Like she always does she started thinking about her life… Every day she thinks about those who hurt her and those who made her happy. Every single day she goes through the same thoughts…

Today started out like any other day… yes… but somehow along the way it became different… something inside her was different… maybe her wound finally healed… maybe she managed to stop the pain…

As she thought about her life, she realized that everyone else has moved on except for her… It was as if she were a frozen clock… standing still in one point of time… stuck! And as she realized that… the clock started ticking again… counting the minutes… She knew that today wasn’t like every day… it was the last day… The last day of being frozen!

Chasing liberty...

S

he always knew she was different. She never understood why sometimes people criticized her actions. She had her own way of perceiving the world. She knew of all the deceit and betrayal out there in the world but she never let fear control her actions. She always trusts her intuition even though sometimes it fails her and she gets hurt.

They always tell her not to be so open, convincing her that it makes her too vulnerable and she would regret it in the end. Her mother tells her in a motherly advice to guard her actions and keep in mind what will other people think. This statement always bothers her, why should she live according to what other people expect? It seems so stupid to her to do things according to other people’s perceptions.

She’s neither stupid nor silly. She knows perfectly well the dangers of the wicked world she lives in. she knows that there will always be people who will betray and hurt her. She knows that she will make mistakes sometimes and fall apart. She knows all that but she simply can’t be someone else. She tried to be cold and guarded; she tried not to be open and friendly with people who are new to her. She tried to conceal her feelings and her true nature; she tried to behave the way people expected from her. She wasn’t happy; She lost herself and ended up pleasing everyone but herself.

People tell her that she’s nice to the point of idiocy sometimes. As if being nice is some flaw. She’d rather pay the price of that flaw than be anything other than herself. She knows that her personality is both her blessing and her curse. She knows that she will suffer but she also knows that it will bring her joy. No matter what anyone thinks of her, some may perceive her as a silly, naive or weak person. Some people may criticize her intuitive nature and her spontaneity. Some may blame her for not thinking about how her actions may be perceived by other people. In the end she will always be herself, she’d given up so much already and she’s not willing to give up that. If people don’t accept her the way she is, then they don’t deserve her presence.

Out of sight.. out of mind..

I don't feel the joy I pretended to feel anymore.. you being there does not mean to me what I though it would mean.. You are not you anymore and I am not me either.. Your presence does not mean anything more than a part of a pretty picture that I drew in my mind.. You have become a mere decoration in my life.. I thought you meant a lot to me.. No.. you did mean a lot to me.. But suddenly you do not mean that much to me anymore.. And it is not easy.. And it hurts.. That you are not the same person I wanted you to be.. You've changed into a picture in my imagination.. One that I do not really like to visit..



1/4/2011

I love Cairo at night.. One of my favorite things in life is driving around the city when there is very little traffic.. I love how it makes me feel.. It brings me joy :).. Today I've laughed until my face hurt, I went to a new place and I watched the Nile.. Today was simply awesome.. I want to do it all over again :D