The "I don't care bubble".

He said: You have issues with life!

I said: What issues?!

He said: You over analyze everything, you think too much and you care about everything too much.. You need to chill and be carefree.. Nothing matters.

Now I really don’t remember the whole conversation because it’s been a couple of years now, but it stuck with me “You have issues with life”.. Well I do have issues with life, so it didn’t bother me to have a colleague telling me that. I do over analyze and I do care too much for almost everything. However, the attitude really bother me.. I’m perfectly aware of the issues I have with life. I’ve been hurt, I’m still broken and I still keep getting disappointed by people that I care about. Of course I have issues and it doesn’t scare me.. not at all.

My friend here thinks that life is being carefree all the time, never letting anything or anyone bother you.. Never to care enough about anything or anyone to be bothered actually. I admit that his attitude bothered me every time I talked to him..

I have issues and so does everybody else. I have moment where it’s just very difficult to breath and carry on. There are moments when I just want to give up and jump into a numb state. But here I am; I smile, I care and I’m hopeful… most of the time.  I have faults and I tend to be a little bit too dramatic but hey don’t forget  “ I have issues”. The truth is issues is a very big part of life.

I refuse to live inside a bubble, where I don’t care about anything or anyone and nobody care about me either.. I refuse to be cold and numb fooling myself into thinking that life is just having fun without a care in the world.. I refuse to isolate myself and never let anyone get close enough to me so I don’t get hurt.

Would living inside the “I don’t care” bubble be safe, fun and easy?.. hell yes.. but again would it be really living ?.. I don’t think so.. I gladly refuse to step into the bubble and have everyone wondering how I’m just always cheerful and seem to be having no troubles. I refuse the kind of life that my friend chose and brags about.

I state, just as proudly, that I have issues with life and I struggle with them everyday.. Sometime I win, sometimes I don’t. It’s a part of who I am.. I choose to fight and struggle over losing the ability to feel..

I have issues.. I’m proud.. It means “I’m alive” and I’m experiencing life with everything it has to offer..

Don’t fall for the illusion of the beautiful carefree and easy going “bubble”. It’s a false feeling of security and comfort; you’d find out that you missed out on life when you realize that being inside a bubble is the same as not living at all.

January 25 >> February 11: The birth of a new Egypt

 

11-2-2011

     A day no one will ever forget. I woke up just like any other say since the Egyptian uprising started in January 25. I was still feeling annoyed, well annoyed is really an understatement I felt that someone has knocked the breath out of me, anyway I was still annoyed because of the two very unsatisfying speeches that both our former president and vice president delivered. I fell into the routine of eating and flipping through the news channels waiting for something to happen. I watched as millions gathered in El-Tahrir square and everywhere in Egypt. The day went by just like every other day, until they announced that there will be a statement from the presidency… To be honest, I wasn’t feeling very optimistic about it. Sometime later, I was in the kitchen and suddenly my mom yells “He stepped down”. I dashed through the room, my eyes searching for the TV. As they re-announced that the president has stepped down.

     If we rewind, from the beginning of this truly amazing uprising, you’d find that the Egyptian youth started this and they went on with their plans even when most of the people didn’t believe that they can change the regime. They stayed and defended their point of view until more and more people joined them, then it was transformed from a youth uprising into a peoples uprising. They made everyone believe that this change COULD happen, when most of Egyptians were stuck with depression and negativity. They helped change how the whole country thinks. They stood up against the corruption. They faced all the brutal attacks for the sake of change and for the sake of EGYPT.

     Some people were against this uprising. Some of them might have some concerns that are right, but this uprising changed history and the future WILL be more beautiful Insha’Allah. I support this uprising. I’ve watched the news for 17 days, anticipating every move and desperately wanting to join the protests. Unfortunately I didn’t get that chance to join, but I was there with my heart and my mind. I prayed to God to save those brave, courageous and powerful Protestants. I and everyone else owe our future to these people. They should be respected and they should be thanked.

     The downside of this uprising is the death of some of those Protestants. My heart goes out to all the families that lost a loved one, but they are not lost they will be awarded in paradise. These people didn’t die in vain; these people died for a cause, for EGYPT. They’re all in our hearts..

     Change in everything was a result of this uprising. It wasn’t only the fall of the regime; it was the fall of many negative, false and unhealthy ideas. Now, Egyptians believe in themselves a lot more than they did before January 25. They understand their rights, they know they can change what they don’t want and they are more politically aware than ever. The Egyptian people changed inside and out. I believe that this uprising touched every single Egyptian and changed his or her way of thinking.

     Personally speaking, I was never interested in politics but now I can’t seem to get enough of it. I became highly aware of everything around me and I found out that I really love this country. I’m sure that the majority felt the same way; it awakened everything that was suppressed for many years. People realized that they have the power to change their world but they just never used it.

     This day, February 11 is the birth of new Egypt. Thousands went to the streets to celebrate the fall of the regime. I couldn’t join the protests but I certainly joined the celebrations. Egypt was singing and dancing; people everywhere were waving the flag and cheering. I was walking down one of the very famous streets in Cairo and everywhere I looked people were smiling and cheering. Adults, teenagers and kids everyone was in the streets celebrating. Whenever my eyes meet a stranger they’d smile to me. I felt that I was surrounded by my family. The atmosphere was overwhelming. It was defiantly a night to remember. Egypt was celebrating its new birth in the usual Egyptian warm, funny, active and festive spirit.

     I’m proud of this uprising. I’m proud that I witnessed this uprising and I’m very optimistic about the future. I know it’s not going to be easy; I know that a lot needs to be done and that we all need to work together. I realized how much this country matters to me. Before this uprising I loved this country because I had to, now I love it because I really feel that I’m part of it and because I felt how much it hurts to feel that it could be harmed. This uprising was very enlightening in so many ways.

     Egypt, we’re so very sorry that we kept you waiting for so long. We will never allow anyone to use you for their own benefits again. We will make the future beautiful because we know we can and we love you that much.

     To those people who made this day possible. I thank you, all Egyptians thank you. We owe our future to you. I wish I had the chance to join you and I’m sure that many others like myself had the same wish but since I couldn’t I will do my best to revive this country. Now it’s every Egyptian obligation to do everything he or she can to improve our beloved country EGYPT.

Long live EGYPT.

I’m Egyptian and very very PROUD.

The birth of a new blog..

My dear readers,

I announce the birth of my new blog, in which I write in my mother language "Arabic". I've been wanting to take this step for months and I finally did it. I hope those of you who can read Arabic enjoy that blog as much as they enjoy this one. English is still my passion and I'm happy to explore new horizons so wish me luck :)

http://ta7t-elyasmena.blogspot.com/

A personal statement 2010>>>2011

I’m writing this in the few remaining hours of 2010. I don’t have a plan for this post. I don’t know what I will write. Nevertheless, I’m writing it. Why? Because I want to write one last post before this year ends. It’s an emotional thing so bear with me.

When I try to evaluate this year, I can’t really decide whether it was a happy year or a not so happy year. The first three quarters were fun, incredibly fun actually. I have a lot of happy memories and a lot of awesome friends. The last quarter, however, was not happy. There were a lot of happy moments during the last three months, I can’t deny that but deep down I wasn’t really happy.

I’ve been blessed with so many beautiful people in my life. They make me happy and even though some of them walked away, their effect on my life still lingers. One thing I’ve learned this year is that you can’t know for how long people will stay in your life. Some will stay for a while and some will stay forever. It could be a few days, a few weeks or a few years but the truth is you are going to have limited time with some people. I’ve also learned that it’s very important to always part on good terms. It’s not a very nice feeling to remember someone you used to love in a bad way.

When it’s time to leave, always leave behind you a good memory.

Another thing I learned this year is that I can’t change who I am. I can’t live any other way. I discovered that sometimes it will bring me trouble; sometimes I will be criticized for it but it makes me miserable to try to be somebody else.

My final statement in 2010:

I will always be me. I have no desire to hide any part of my inner self to please anyone. I will love passionately and with all my heart even if it hurts sometimes. I will try my best to keep all the beautiful parts of my soul. I will always see the good in people even if they disappoint me sometimes. I’ll learn from my mistakes and I will never repeat them. I insist on staying the way I am whatever it takes.

My hopes and desires for 2011:

I hope to find peace of mind.

I hope to still have those who love me in my life.

I want to spread love and compassion all around me.

I want to go beyond my dreams.

I want to have an adventure.

I want love, passion and peace.

2010, you were not my best year but you were not my worst. I’m sad that you had to end this way but I'll hold on to the sweet memories.

2011, I hope to find reconciliation in your days and I hope to keep smiling.

Happy new year my dear friends and awesome readers :)


A song for you....

Be free...

When who you really are is not suitable for living nowadays.

When the real you brings you only trouble.

When you find blame if you act spontaneously.

When following your intuition is criticized.

When simply acting the way you like becomes a rare thing.

What should you do?

Insist on being you or try to suppress your intuitive self?

Accept the criticism and the blame

Or

Hide the best parts of you in order to avoid trouble.

I am an intuitive person.

I like to say how I feel and do what I like.

I don’t like to hide anything.

I like being free to say and do what I want.

I enjoy being an open book.

I hate secrets, they trouble me.

I don’t like to hide things, afraid of envious people.

I don’t like to hide things, afraid to be judged.

I like to be free.

I like to be able to say what I want to say, when I feel like saying it.

I don’t care if it brings me trouble.

Living any other way is just more troublesome.

I am who I am.

Whether it’s wrong or right.

Whether it’s suitable or not.

I will always be me.

Just the way I like it.