Letter to the sea...

Dear sea,


It’s been a while since I’ve talked about what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling. I’ve been avoiding the matter at all costs. Not out of fear but out of the mere desire of feeling peaceful; even if it’s just an allusion. Call me an idiot but I’d like to spend some peaceful time, I’ll have all the troubles waiting for me when I get back.


I discovered something during my time avoiding any annoying situations. It’s been in front of me for along time but maybe I wasn’t paying much attention, or maybe I was just too involved to see beyond what’s obvious. “Everything fades away” okay maybe not everything but most things fade away. Pain fades away into just a small stinging memory in the back of your mind, How it feels to be overwhelmed fades away to just being numb, Joy fades away into a happy memory of the happy long lost times. Everything fades away BUT I’ve also discovered that I get to decide to what it shall fade away.


I could choose for the pain to fade away till I can’t feel it anymore and I can choose to keep it throbbing. I can choose to deal with being overwhelmed and eventually become strong enough to bear it or I can settle for being numb. I can choose to hold on to MY joy or I can let it slip away. Life will fade away only if I let it.


I’ve had a lot of feelings bottled up lately. Some were good ones and some weren’t that good. Eventually they faded away. I have to admit that I let some of them fade away intentionally. I’ve also discovered that I’m tired of having to be strong all the time. I wanted my time to not be so strong. I don’t want to be weak; I just don’t want to be pushed into being strong. I want a break.


I certainly stepped away from my comfort zone and I certainly hated it at first. Then I started adjusting and eventually I liked parts of it. I still want my life the way it is, and I still want to get back to the world I’m used to. However, this experience was rewarding in several ways that I must overlook all the downsides.


I still have to stay away form home for two more weeks but I feel ready to go back to my world. I still have some feelings that I need to let fade away, but I also have some that I’d like to hold on too. I don’t want life to fade away unless I choose that it does. It’s my time to call the shots now. I won’t be pushed and I won’t be settling for anything less than what I want. I’ve seen and learned what makes me inclined to take control of my life. It’s about time!


Yours,