Walking around unfamiliar places...

  I walked around the unfamiliar places, searching through unfamiliar faces trying to process what has just happened. I don't know for how long I've been walking but I can see the sun heading west so I can tell that it's been a while since I left the house. I walked and walked and all I could see around me was unfamiliar places. Places that I don't know and I've never seen before. Everything around me is so different, the streets are different, the people are different, even the air smells different.


   When I look back at the past few days, I can't bring myself to regret my decision to come here. Even though things didn't go according to my plans, even though my decision brought me more misery than comfort, I can't bring myself to regret my decision as I swore to benefit from the experience no matter what happens. 


   I can't tell if it was a good or a bad decision to put myself in such an unfamiliar environment, with no emotional support to back me up. I don't know if it was intuition or merely an impulsive need for the experiment. Yes, this was an experiment. I wanted to push myself beyond my limits. I wanted to force myself out of my comfort zone. I wanted to see what it would be like if this was my life. I did everything I meant to do; I pushed myself, forced myself and tortured myself.

   I'm trying as hard as I can to see the bigger picture, even if it wasn't the picture I had in mind. I did have another picture in mind, maybe it wasn't that much hopeful than this one but I had the benefit of not knowing. Now I know that this is the picture I've got and it may not change for a while or even at all. I'm trying to focus only on the good side of the picture and ignore all the clutter and all the mess. I'm trying my best, I really am.

   There are good sides to the current situation. I did manage to adjust and depend on myself. I was independent already, but living on your own is different. It's one thing to be independent by choice and knowing that you have someone that can help you if you needed help, and it's entirely different to have no one to help you other than yourself. Even though it is a hard experience, I have benefited from it and I'm still benefiting.

   This was a good idea. I followed my intuition when I accepted the invitation to step out of my life and step into another one temporarily. I wanted to try the other side of the coin that represents my life. Was it an unpredictable decision? Yes it defiantly was, but was it a bad one? No I don't think so. It's an adventure, and in every adventure there are always some obstacles and some misfortunes but they never lessen the thrill of the adventure.


I took a deep breath as I reached the end of my self-performed pep talk and told myself:

"Remember this is an adventure."

"You can do this, it's only temporarily."

 "Follow your intuition, trust yourself."

I kept telling myself that as I headed back to the house that was temporarily called "home"